By Sol López, student of the Executive Coaching Certification Programme.
One of the most common doubts we coaches have when we start practising is how to act, what to do, during an individual session when a coaching client gets emotional, when we detect some affective phenomenon, whether he/she shows it or not. When this happens, I ask myself: How can we put this emotion at the service of the client and help him to deepen his thinking? Attend the workshop The Emotional Distinctions of the Coach ™ offered by Alicia Morales and María Ancochea at EEC Alumni, has allowed me to learn three fundamental things in this regard
Accompanying and not abandoning
My learning is that I must accompany the coachee in his emotion and not leave him alone!
As I listened to this during the workshop I thought: how can I leave him alone!!!! However, sometimes we do it unconsciously, even physically: we leave the room to get a tissue, a glass of water or a sweet.
Now I know I have to stay there for the client, accompany you in whatever you are feeling, sometimes just by being present. There's no need to use phrases like "it'll pass, everything has a solution, cheer up, you can handle this and more, well, it's no big deal, how sentimental/temperamental you are.
It should be remembered that in these cases, silence can be our best ally, We also make maximum use of our full presence competence.
Excitement back and forth
And while I was assimilating this first lesson, a debate arose in the room. Some of my colleagues admit: «My coachee has touched my heart with what he tells me».» ;to which others reply: «You're not going to be able to do it!No! You are the coach, you must not get excited, you have to maintain a professional image, please!!».
Thus came the second apprenticeship: coaches are not unflappable robots, we can empathise with the emotion of our coachee., And this implies that after holding his hand, we must be able to let go and return to our place, our role as coach, to help him. It is not wrong to cry with him, to laugh or to empathise with his anger. By doing so we show him that we really understand what he is going through.
Do you doubt that you can get excited? If so, think about what would happen if you told someone about a situation that caused you great distress, if you cried and the other person stared at you without flinching., without moving, almost without batting an eyelid. I can't deny that just imagining it makes me laugh. Therefore, empathise without sympathy Let's not short-circuit that energy that goes from gut to gut!
Confidence versus disguised emotions
My third learning came in camouflage. Sometimes our radio goes on and we make incorrect interpretations of what we see until it is made clear to us. I'm not crying out of anguish, eh, it's out of anger. or I'm not laughing because I don't care, it's nerves, It's emotions in disguise, our friends! It may happen that our coachee does not feel encouraged, cannot or does not know how to express the affective phenomenon he/she is feeling and camouflages it by expressing another one. But, calm coaches, we have a way to detect it: our body does not lie and we can make use of this great tool to help it talk about what is wrong with it..
The EEC Alumni workshop gave much more but, to close my evolution as a coach, I will leave you with a phrase from Silvia Guarnieri, which touched my heart: Let us trust in the strength of what has been built! What a nice way to sum up that, having studied hard and spent many hours looking for recipes and tools, during a coaching session it is time to let go and trust that we will do exactly what our client needs!
For me, it is an invitation to connect with my emotions as a coach, to listen to my gut because the sessions that have flowed best were those in which, being one hundred per cent present for my coachee, I trusted everything I learned.
Thank you Silvia, Alicia and María for all you have shared.
