Lydia Vidal. When we talk about “willpower”, we are almost always describing a symptom: I want to change, but I don't hold the change. In executive coaching, the way out is rarely “try harder”; it is often "try harder". turning desire into a real action plan and, above all, find out what is working against it: the hidden commitment.
An action plan is not a list of good intentions. It is an operational bridge between “what I want” and “what I do when no one sees me”. And that bridge needs three things: concrete behaviour, designed context and follow-up. The first typical mistake is to define goals that are too abstract: “delegate more”, “manage stress better”, “be more assertive”. This is not implemented. Instead, a good plan defines observable behaviours: “I will do 2 delegation conversations per week”, “I will close the day with 10 minutes of planning”, “in meetings, I will make a clear request and close with an agreement”.
The second piece is the one that almost nobody looks at: the environment. If the context favours the opposite (chained meetings, notifications, a culture of urgency, lack of criteria), asking the will to compensate is unfair and ineffective. That is why, in a serious action plan, we always design the situation: what blocks we remove, what friction we add to what distracts, what signals we put in place to remind us, what rituals we create to sustain.
And here's the crucial point: even if the plan is well formulated, sometimes the person knows what he has to do and yet he still boycotts it. Not because of a lack of discipline, but because there is a hidden commitment.
Hidden commitment is a real but undeclared commitment that competes with the target. It is usually activated to protect something valuable: image, belonging, control, security, competence, status. For example:
- I want delegate, but I am committed (without saying so) to not to lose control or not to be expendable.
- I want setting limits, but I am committed to not to be seen as difficult or not disappointing anyone.
- I want prioritise, but I am committed to prove that I can do it all.
- I want having difficult conversations, but I am committed to avoid tension or not to be disliked.
When that hidden commitment exists, change becomes an internal pulse. And in that pulse, “willpower” often loses because the system is defending a deep need.
In coaching, we work on this in a very practical way.a: start with the target, identify the behaviour that is not occurring, and then ask honest questions: “What are you preventing from happening if you do this for real?”.
Fears often arise: “if I delegate, the quality will drop and I will be judged”, “if I set limits, I will lose influence”, “if I speak my mind, the relationship will break down”. This fear is often supported by a great belief (sometimes invisible) “if I'm not on top, things go wrong”, “if I don't please, I'm rejected”, “if I don't perform consistently, I'm worth less”.
Progress is not about “eliminating” fear, it is about design an action plan that includes. That is: I am not asking you to jump into the void; I am asking you to conduct a controlled experiment that proves (or adjusts) your belief without jeopardising your credibility.
Example applied to delegation:
- Objective: delegate more.
- Current behaviour: I continue to resolve.
- Hidden commitment: protect quality/image.
- Belief: “if I delegate, quality goes down and I look bad”.
- 2-week experiment: I delegate a task with clear criteria, an intermediate checkpoint and a definition of “finished”. I measure quality, time spent and actual level of control needed.
This transforms the change from epic to learning. And here the action plan becomes powerful, because it no longer relies on “holding on” but on three anchors:
- Minimum sustained action (small, repeatable).
- Structure (agenda, ritual, reminder, criteria).
- Experiment (test that reduces fear and adjusts belief).
