By Lydia Vidal. In the business environment, setting limits can be uncomfortable. It can even arouse guilt to do so. We feel that saying no to someone's proposal is saying no to the person or the relationship. However, in executive coaching we know that Setting clear boundaries is not only an act of self-care, but a fundamental management skill.
The power of self-knowledge
One of the pillars of coaching is the self-knowledge. When a person understands what he thinks, how he feels and why he acts as he doesgain freedom. Stop responding out of inertia or fear, and start responding out of fear. choosing the "what for" of their actions and responses.
This awareness transforms relationships, communication and leadership.
Why is it so hard to say "no"?
Neuroscience has part of the answer. Our autonomic nervous system has learned to prioritise what guaranteed our emotional survival: to please, to avoid conflict or to please. Especially in contexts where speaking up or expressing one's needs was experienced as a threat.
The amygdala (the region of the brain responsible for detecting danger) and the vagus nerve (key to managing stress and emotions) are activated when we dare to set a limit. The body reacts: the heart races, anxiety or muscle tension appear. But this is not a sign that something is wrong. It is a sign of growth.
The response of complacency in adult life
A submission or appeasement response occurs when, faced with a difficult situation, we adapt our behaviour to avoid rejection or to maintain the connection at any cost.
This translates into behaviours such as:
- Saying "yes" when we want to say "no".
- Feeling guilt after setting a limit.
- Over-explaining our decisions or needs.
- Losing touch with our own priorities.
How does executive coaching accompany boundary setting?
In the practice of executive coaching, the professional does not advise or direct, but rather accompanies the manager or professional to exploring the roots of their beliefs and automatic responsesThe aim is to recognise their real needs and to train new ways of relating to each other.
Through powerful questions, deep listening and reflection, we move towards greater self-knowledge and responsibility. Then we can choose, not from emotional urgency, but from purpose; and we can say: "I choose this answer because I know what I need and what I am giving it for".
What happens after "no"? How to take care of the relationship by setting limits
One of the big concerns in setting a boundary is: How will the relationship continue afterwards?
Saying "no" doesn't have to mean slamming the door. There are ways to nurture the bond without giving up on yourself. Here are some suggestions that we train in coaching:
- Validate the relationship: "I value working with you very much, and that's why I want to be honest from the beginning.
- Offer an alternative if possible: "I can't commit to this right now, but I can help you think of another option."
- Gain time without disconnecting: "I need to review my priorities before I give you an answer, shall we pick it up tomorrow?"
- Be clear, but empathetic: "I would like to say yes, but it would be unrealistic and irresponsible to do so now."
- Explain the "why" of your limit: "I say no because I want to take care of the quality of what I deliver, and to take this on now would put other key commitments at risk."
A well-expressed "no" can be a mature and respectful way to strengthen trust, clarity and communication within teams.
Learning to set limits is leadership
Setting boundaries is not about moving away from the other person, it is about getting closer to oneself. It is not a barrier, it is a sign of clarity. And it is, above all, a key competence to lead with awareness, presence and responsibility.
Do you want to further explore these keys in your personal or professional life?
We invite you to get to know our programme of Executive Coaching CertificationA space to train authenticity, transformative conversation and conscious leadership from experience.
👉 More information here EXECUTIVE COACHING TRAINING
