By Lydia Vidal. When we have to make an important decision, we usually start from a premise: there is a correct option and we must discover it before acting.
We analyse, compare, ask for opinions and look for new information. However, the more we try to eliminate uncertainty, the harder it can be to move forward.
The psychologist Ellen J. Langer he proposes completely changing this perspective: to stop dedicating so much energy to finding the right decision and to concentrate on making the decision we take the right one.
A different take on mindfulness
Ellen Langer is a professor of Psychology at Harvard and, in 1981, became the first woman to secure a tenured post in the university's Department of Psychology. She has spent nearly five decades researching issues such as the illusion of control, stress, decision-making, health and the relationship between the mind and the body.
Her conception of mindfulness departs from the idea of stopping to meditate. For Langer, it consists of actively spot new things, to recognise that circumstances change and to question the certainties we take for granted. It is a way of paying attention, not a spiritual practice.
This approach is especially valuable when we are faced with complex professional decisions.
«Instead of striving to make the right decision, make the decision the right one, whatever it may be.
The idea is developed in his book The Mindful Body —published in 2023—, which dedicates several sections to decision-making and regret, with titles such as Making the Decision Right, Why Regrets? and No Right Decisions.
There is no true basis for comparison
Imagine you have to choose between studying at Harvard or Yale. You choose Harvard and the experience does not turn out as you expected.
You might think: «I should have chosen Yale».
But you have no way of knowing what would have happened there. Perhaps the experience would have been better, but it could also have been the same or even worse.
For Langer, regret is usually built on an impossible-to-prove assumption: that the discarded option would have produced a better outcome. When we compare our reality with an imagined alternative future, we are not comparing two experiences, but a real experience with a hypothesis.
Food for thought:
Am I evaluating a real possibility or comparing it against an idealised alternative?
Believing that there is a single correct decision makes deciding more difficult
The more convinced we are that there is a perfect answer, the greater the pressure to find it.
So we look for another opinion, another piece of data, another guarantee or a new sign. But deciding when we stop investigating is also a decision.
This approach connects with the Rule of 70 %: to act when we have sufficient information to reasonably assess the options, even if uncertainty still exists.
The goal is not to decide impulsively. It is to recognise the moment when continuing to analyse no longer brings clarity, but rather delays action.
Food for thought:
What information am I actually missing and what information am I only looking for to feel more secure?
3. The decisive part begins after choosing
A single decision does not determine the outcome on its own.
Once we take action, we learn, meet new people, develop skills and discover circumstances we could not anticipate. We ourselves change in the process.
Langer points out that, after acting, we are already a different person and the context is also different. That is why the value of a choice depends to a large extent on what we do with it: how we respond, what we learn, what relationships we build and what adjustments we introduce.
The question is no longer:
«How can I guarantee that this is the right decision?»
And it transforms into:
«What can I do to turn this decision into a good decision?»
Decision-making is also learning to live with uncertainty
We cannot know the consequences of an important choice in advance. But committing to the decision once it is made, doing everything in our power to make it indeed the best option, as well as knowing that we have the resources to deal flexibly with whatever happens. Thus, we get closer to making each time, every decision the right one.
