BY LYDIA VIDAL. What happens when what we say is not what the other person understands? We live in interpretative worlds: in every conversation, each speaker listens and speaks based on their own way of seeing the world, interpreting from their personal experience and beliefs.
The gap between the intention of what is said and the interpretation made of what was said can become insurmountable if we are not aware of it.
Language, by its nature, is not as linear as we think. Words can evoke different images, emotions, and even judgments depending on the person receiving them. What may be a clear statement to one person could sound like criticism, reproach, or even a threat to another. And as we know, interpretation can generate misunderstandings, conflicts, and communication barriers that affect productivity and well-being within teams.
So, how can we break out of this cycle of interpretations and make our conversations, relationships, and outcomes more effective and serene?
Executive Coaching to Break Out of the Interpretative World
Executive coaching techniques not only apply during a formal coaching session but are transferable skills t are transferable skills
- The first step to preventing our conversations from exploding is TO LISTENin a new way. In coaching, we call this Empathic Listening which starts with knowing that listening is not passive; it is active and demanding. Listening this way means being present for the other person, with our whole body, without letting our own assumptions cloud what the other person is trying to communicate. If there’s a parallel conversation going on in your head while you're listening, then you're not listening. To avoid this, we must listen with the sole intention of understanding, not responding.
- n a conversation, it is also essential to CONSCIOUSLY USE SILENCE.Not interrupting or finishing their sentences, for example, gives us the serenity to connect with what the other person is saying. And pausing after someone speaks allows two things: first, for the speaker to hear themselves; second, for us to process what we've heard, reflect on our interpretation, and choose the response we want to give.
- Once we’ve listened, it’s important to VERIFY what we've heard. Sometimes, we’re not entirely sure if we've captured the message correctly, or worse, we might think we have understood it clearly. The only way to confirm if what we understood is the same as what the other person intended to say is by asking..
- The PARAPHRASING is another crucial resource. Repeating what the other person has said with our own words is a technique that strengthens mutual understanding. For example, saying, “What I hear you saying is...”not only confirms that we’ve listened well, but also validates what the other person is feeling.
Vulnerability as a Pillar of Effective Communication
Vulnerability is not only the ability to recognize our limitations or fears but also he ability to be authentic and open.In the context of conversations, showing vulnerability could mean, for example, acknowledging that we haven’t understood something, that we've lost the thread of the conversation, that we’re struggling to connect with the other person’s need, or that we’ve been overwhelmed by a comment—and sharing it.
When we apply coaching techniques such as active listening, verification, or paraphrasing with a vulnerable disposition and recognizing that the other person is communicating to fulfill a need (even if they don’t always do so effectively), we reduce the barriers that often prevent us from connecting authentically and maintaining fluid conversations that allow us, as a result, to build trust and coordinate actions, for example.
