POR ROSA BARRIUSO. Teenagers reflect back to us “the shadow” behind our apparent light and normalcy..
There’s a show that many people are talking about—one that invites reflection and awareness of a reality that often seems invisible.
Unlike other series that revolve around the hunt for a killer "Who did it?" being the central question in every episode—this one reveals the culprit in the very first episode. So if we already know who did it, what is the series really about?
Perhaps it’s about trying to understand something as incomprehensible as the murder of a teenage girl by another thirteen-year-old. Episode by episode, we’re shown different realities surrounding these adolescents. Each one invites us to search for the cause behind such an atrocious act.
They suggest that the blame may lie with the education system, the family, the victim herself, the peers, or with a possible pathology in the perpetrator. It seems that unless we place blame somewhere, we can’t understand how a thirteen-year-old could commit such a murder—and we can’t move on and maintain our illusion of normalcy.
And that’s where I want to pose a question: Who do you think is to blame?
In coaching, we replace the concept of guilt with that of responsibility. And from that lens, I conclude that in today’s society, the perfect storm is brewing for a situation as tragic as the one depicted in the show.
— If we focus on the educational environment,what are your thoughts on how the authority of teachers has evolved today? Have we perhaps shifted from exercising power to not knowing how to earn authority?
By moving from more authoritarian models to more permissive ones, have we forgotten to create new educational models—ones that preserve authority through mutual respect between students and teachers? Are we still struggling to exercise authority without resorting to punishment or violence? What if the foundation of authority were trust, assertiveness, and clear behavioral boundaries?
— When we turn our attention to adolescentsit's worth reflecting on the fear of rejection, fear of loneliness, and the powerful need to belong and socialize—hallmarks of this life stage. In coaching, we talk about communication as the vehicle for relationship. Yet, in this era of hyper-connectivity, with countless tools to communicate in real time…
Could it be that we are more disconnected than ever? What role do social media play in adolescent loneliness and the various self-esteem issues
What impact does online content have on their behavior?
The brain does not differentiate between fiction and reality. That’s why we cry or feel fear while watching a movie. The issue is, when the brain becomes accustomed to seeing certain behaviors—however fictional—it begins to normalize them. This is why pilots need simulator hours: they create neural pathways that improve real-life performance.
Viewing violence or sex is far from harmless—especially for a brain as plastic and receptive as that of a 13-year-old.
They may argue that “it’s not real”because they’re experiencing it through a screen that protects them from the harshness of real-life consequences. The problem arises when they face real situations they’ve previously only seen behind a screen. As seen in the series, they often fail to grasp the difference between simulation and reality.
Another theme worth exploring is the the generational divideWhile generational misunderstanding has always existed, it may now be widening due to unequal familiarity with technological advancements.
The question is: How does communication occur within the family?How often is a WhatsApp message used in place of a more personal, face-to-face conversation?How can we creatively foster the trust-based relationships that help parents better understand their children? How much time and how many shared spaces do we create to be present with them?
As babies, we didn’t need words to understand what they needed. During adolescence, could we be forgetting that it’s through bonding—not just verbal exchange—that we can truly understand them, even if they don’t always share?
And finally, the role of parents.It’s important to examine how parents often internalize their children’s mistakes as personal failures. They ask themselves: What did I do wrong? When did I stop doing things right?
The problem is, we’re still focused on blame instead of acknowledging shared responsibility. When one parent blames the other for the child’s behavior, they render the child innocent—depriving them of the opportunity to learn and grow. It’s not about abandoning them, but as the show clearly demonstrates, the adolescent begins to take responsibility and face the consequences of their actions.
I believe the real purpose of this series is not to point fingers, but to examine what responsibilities we—as adolescents, parents, educators, and society—are failing to own.
As long as we remain fixated on guilt, we avoid the deeper question: What responsibility are you willing to assume in addressing this very real issue in today’s society—an issue the series brings sharply into focus?
ROSA BARRIUSO is an Executive Coach, Team Coach, and Trainer at the Escuela Europea de Coaching. She also leads and coordinates the Coaching, Adolescents, and Families area, and teaches in the Specialization Program for Adolescents and Families. Programa de Especialización en Adolescentes y Familias.
